Today I had the extraordinary experience of meeting a new friend, a refugee from the Democratic Republic of the Congo who I’ll call Rosine. I volunteered to mentor her as a newcomer to our community, but I have learned so much from her already!
Rosine is like all of us in that her past informs her present. Because of difficult experiences in her home country, Rosine carries trauma in her heart, barely below the surface. Yet she met me with a smile and shared the names and ages of her five children, plus two other nearly-grown children that she has adopted. She talked stoically about her new job at a chicken-processing plan, where she works long shifts segmenting chicken wings in a refrigerated room. As she talked, she instinctively began rubbing the hand that works the snippers during those long hours. I can’t really comprehend this work environment, but I have talked with others who have worked there, so I had a sense of the physical toll. I expressed empathy and saw her shoulders drop, some tension eased. She balanced that story with enthusiastic gratitude that her four older children were able to attend school! We could not pay for that in the Congo, she said. It was as if she were saying, “The struggle is worth it.”
We talked for a moment about Rosine’s goals for the future: to get a GED so that she would have other employment options. To finish college. To build a future for her family. Then I asked, “How can I serve you?”
I am not quite sure why, but at that moment, her eyes filled with tears. I think maybe it was because suddenly, she felt there was someone else who might help her carry this burden, and in the same moment she felt both the weight of all she carries and the relief that someone might help lift it.
We talked some more about her immediate goal of obtaining the GED. She was worried about asking for time off work to prepare. She had concerns about her own abilities to take the test in a language that was not her native tongue. I offered to find out about preparation classes nearby. But I felt it would also help her to have a tangible reminder of my offer to serve, so I said I would bring her a GED study guide. She could use this to prepare on her own, as time and energy allowed. I just placed the order for the book, and when it arrives, I’ll write an encouraging note in the cover before I deliver it. I hope it will help.
Rosine’s experience is extreme. It’s the first opportunity I’ve had to mentor a refugee, and the teachers I typically work with haven’t had the life traumas that Rosine has experienced. However, every teacher has experienced scaled-back versions of these experiences. Every teacher has faced personal challenges and also difficulties in the work environment. My work with teachers and teacher candidates is a different kind of support, but I see reflections of today’s experiences with Rosine in the work I do in schools.
Although I’ve never coached a teacher who has seen trauma such as Rosine’s, no teacher lives a charmed life. In addition to carrying personal challenges, teachers feel the struggles of their students. And the profession itself is wrought with struggles. As a coach, I should reflect on what I know about a teacher’s burden. And even if I I’m unaware of specific difficulties she faces, if I assume that there are some, I will probably be right. Reminding myself of this helps me bring my heart to my coaching work.
I can think about how a teacher’s past informs her present. In less traumatic terms, this might mean considering initiatives she has been involved with in the past and bearing in mind the outcomes of those initiatives. It might mean thinking about situations when her teaching has been observed by others: What was the context and what feedback did she get? Understanding a teacher’s back-story informs our coaching response.
Like the clues I got from noticing Rosine’s unconscious hand-rubbing, during a coaching conversation I can try to be aware of subtle non-verbal messages a teacher is giving. Do her eyes light up when she talks about the STEM activity she did with her class? Does her brow furrow when assessment data is discussed? Sometimes body language is more telling than words.
Just as Rosine became more open about her struggles when I expressed empathy, an appropriate emotional response from a coach can peel back layers so that we can get at the real work. For example, understanding the toll of public test scores, relating to the challenge of difficult classroom dynamics, or recognizing the truth that there is never enough time can build a productive affinity. So can sharing the joy of professional goals met, of student growth, and of personal triumphs.
When I asked Rosine, “How can I serve you?” I was acknowledging that Rosine has her own aspirations. I didn’t come with a checklist for new immigrants. I wanted to speak to her needs. It was a good reminder that coaches get the most traction when teachers set the direction. We can then talk specifics, and both of us can walk away with a to-do list.
My intuitive offer to come back with something to put in Rosine’s hands makes me wonder – How can I follow up a coaching conversation with a tangible reminder of my support? Stopping to think about this reminds me: I will follow up on a conversation I had with an early-career teacher. I will lend a book that I thought of after we talked – one that might be just what she is looking for.
My time “mentoring” Rosine today taught me so much! What a remarkable woman she is! Rosine has moved to a place that is far different from her home country and is learning to navigate a foreign culture. She speaks four languages, raises seven children, works long hours in harsh conditions, and greets visitors with a smile. I’ve only spent an hour with her, and I have already learned so much. About humanity, about perseverance, and about mentoring and coaching.
This week, you might want to take a look at:
Creating a teacher self-care plan:
How to build a positive classroom culture:
Creating a culture of collaboration:
Mirror books for African American Boys:
Transitioning from teacher to coach:
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
Was this helpful? Please share!
Want to know about new posts? Click “Follow” (bottom right)
